


Thomas Contra Mundi

by minnesotamemelord



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Canon Gay Character, Depressed Thomas, Feels, Gay, Gay Male Character, Happy Ending, M/M, Platonic Kissing, Poor Thomas, Season/Series 06, Semi-Platonic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 14:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17582834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnesotamemelord/pseuds/minnesotamemelord
Summary: After Thomas's suicide attempt, he's visited by the last person he ever expected to walk back through the doors of Downton. And just maybe it'll be the thing to pull him back into the light.





	Thomas Contra Mundi

There was a knock at the door.

For the past few days, that was all that happened to Thomas. Someone knocked, came in to chat for a few minutes, and left. And it was always the same people: Ms. Baxter, Anna, Mrs. Hughes, Andy. From time to time one of the family popped in, although it was almost always Mary with George. But it was only ever people who knew what had happened. Which was why Thomas was so surprised to hear a voice he almost didn't recognize.

"Hello? Thomas?" The voice was muffled and quiet, but still familiar somehow.

"Come in," Thomas replied for what felt like the billionth time in two days. When the handle turned and the door opened, he wasn't quite sure who he expected to see. Certainly not Jimmy, who had left Downton over a year ago under a cloud of scandal. And yet, that's who stood in the doorway, nervously turning his hat in his hands. At first, Thomas didn't quite register the surprise. And then it hit him like a slap in the face. Well, a positive slap in the face.

"Jimmy!" His face lit up, and a broad, genuine grin that probably hadn't been seen in years broke out across his face. It was such a rare smile, and such an infectious one that Jimmy couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"Hello, Thomas." Jimmy stepped into the room, allowing the door to swing shut behind him. As quickly as the cheerful expression had come, it disappeared, at least partially, and was replaced with confusion.

"How are you here? After... everything?" Jimmy's face became somber, and he sat in the chair in the opposite corner of the room.

"Mrs. Hughes telephoned me as soon as she found out what... what you'd done." For a moment, Thomas could have sworn he saw tears in Jimmy's eyes, but they were gone as soon as he blinked. "I got on the next train back to Yorkshire and arrived this morning."

"How'd you manage to convince Carson to let you even step foot in the house?"

"I didn't. He's in town, running errands or somethin'. Anna and Mrs. Hughes sneaked me up." Thomas's jaw wobbled.

"You shouldn't've come. 'm not worth it." Jimmy regarded Thomas coldly.

"Is that really what you think? Thomas, you were m' best friend here. And I couldn't bear to think that what I did contributed to..." Jimmy gestured to Thomas's bandaged wrists.

"It wasn't that, but I won't say you had nothin' to do with it. It's less about my... and more to do with losin' my only friend."

"I'm not your only friend, Thomas. I met Ms. Baxter downstairs. She seems like a lovely woman."

"She is, but I wasn't good to her." Thomas bowed his head. "I'm not good to anyone."

"That's not true, and I've got the proof. I remember a day very much like this one, where we were talking very much like we are now, because you stepped in and took a beating for me. That's as good as it gets."

"No, it's not. I only stepped in 'cause I was in love with you."

"But you knew you weren't going to get anythin' out of it. You knew I could never love you like you loved me, and you still got the livin' hell beaten out of you for me." Both of them fell silent. "I don't think I've ever seen your hand without a glove." Jimmy reached forward and took Thomas's mangled hand as delicately as he could, turning it over between his own rough palms. "You never actually told me how it happened. Just that it was a war injury." Thomas shook his head.

"I got my own hand shot on purpose because I wanted to go home. I took the coward's way out then, just like I tried to do now." Unconsciously, he pulled his hand back and rubbed it over the bandages on his arms. "I'm still the weak, scared, stupid man I was then."

"Why did you do it, Thomas? For the love of god, why?" Without meeting Jimmy's eyes, Thomas replied.

"Have you ever felt like you've dug yourself into a hole, and you know that no matter how you try, it's impossible to get out? That's what I do. I've dug myself into a hole of anger and sadness, and I can't get out." Thomas's voice cracked. "There was no escape." Jimmy took Thomas's hand again and squeezed it gently.

"Then you're not a coward."

"No? I took the easy way out, just like I always do."

"Since when do you do things the easy way? If you always took the easy way out, we would have avoided a lot of things, Thomas. And if I could go back, I'd try to make your life a lot less horrid than I did. But all I can do is try to make your life less awful now." Thomas nodded, clearing his throat.

"Sure. To start, I need to talk about something other than this." He held up his arms. "What've you been up to?" Jimmy shrugged.

"This and that. I think I've finally found my place, though, as a pianist at a jazz club in London. I get to have fun, the pay's decent, and I don't have to worry about getting fired for sleeping with the guests." Thomas laughed heartily, a sound that was as uncommon as an albino lion cub or the Dowager Countess apologizing. "And you? I met the new footman downstairs. He seems nice." Jimmy smirked.

"Shut up, Jimmy. He's a nice boy, but I think I've learned to stop falling for the footmen. And besides-" Thomas lowered his voice. "-he can't read."

"He can't read? Oh, my."

"I tried to teach him, but I've been exiled from that job, too."

"Well, I'm sure he appreciated it anyhow. I still appreciate you teaching me things. You know they make me wind the clocks at the club? Wouldn't've happened without you."

"I'm sure you'd still have survived. I don't suppose you've met a nice girl yet. Settled down?"

"You know me, I'm not the type to settle."

"I know." Thomas pointed across the room to his desk. "There's a newspaper over there. Care to read some for me?" Just like that, they fell back into old patterns, Jimmy reading the stories and interjecting with his own comments, Thomas berating him to move on. Time flew by, so when there was another knock at the door, they both jumped halfway to the ceiling. Mrs. Hughes ducked her head into the room.

"Mr. Carson'll be back in a moment or two. You'd better get going, James."

"Can we just have one more minute, Mrs. Hughes? I promise I'll be gone before he's back." With a sigh, Mrs. Hughes shut the door, and Jimmy folded the paper, standing up to cross the room. He perched on the edge of Thomas's bed, his face heavy with sadness and regret.

"You're going to be okay, Thomas. I know you will, and as much as you hear that and disbelieve it, it's true."

"How do you always know just the thing to say? People don't give you as much credit for that mind of yours as they should." Thomas tapped two fingers to Jimmy's temple, which Jimmy caught easily in his hand, lacing their fingers together. Before Thomas could tell what was happening, Jimmy's broad face swooped down, pressing his lips to Thomas's in a soft, quick kiss. It wasn't from a place of love, or at least not romantic love, or out of pity, but was instead filled with empathy and understanding. "What- why would you-"

"To replace a bad memory with a better one. And besides, aren't kisses supposed to make you feel better? Do feel better, Thomas." With that, Jimmy stood, returning his hat to his head, flattening his blond curls. "Write to me, Thomas." Jimmy slipped a card into Thomas's hand, his long pianist's fingers brushing over the bandages. "I'll see what I can do about Mr. Carson."

"Goodbye, Jimmy."

"Goodbye, Thomas. Please write. I need to know you'll be okay."

"I'll try my hardest."

"I know you will. And I meant what I said the last time I left. I hope you find happiness, Thomas. And if you're ever in London, see if you can find it at the Gilded Lily. I'm there almost every night." With a wink, Jimmy left. Thomas turned the card over in his hands, noting a scribble on the back.

_don't do anything I wouldn't do_

_love, Jimmy_


End file.
